A tough day of reflections on life

When did you decide to be an adult? Apparently it's no longer 18 or 21. I caught a few minutes of Katie Couric's talk show this past week. She interviewed a couple of ladies, authors I think, about how now in your 20s you're expected to use that time to find yourself and grow up, mooch off of your parents and take your time finding out who you want to marry and get your crap together basically...

I guess I missed that memo. Although if my kids asked, I'm still 23 :)

And I thought I had it together in my 20s. By the time I was 25, I had two degrees, was running my own company, married and helping to raise my two step children. Now at 32, I'm reconsidering everything. Basically what you could probably call a midlife crisis. I'm ready for my red convertible, a career change, and a location change. But most of all, I've come to realize that I've been at bat and life keeps changing up the pitches and I keep striking out.

I'm the biggest KC Royals fan you'll find. While I don't hold season tickets, they are my team no matter how many games they lose and how far their losing streak goes on. George Brett is my hero. However, I'm done being at bat of my life in this game.

So tonight when John Mayer's voice serenaded me from the radio screwed to the underbelly of my kitchen cabinets, it hit home. Many of his songs do. It's like he's watched my life and wrote them just to be my soundtrack.

"Stop this train"

Who knew at 32 going on 33?

I'd want to get off and go home again?

I'm back

A while back, I revamped my website, www.crystalanichols.com. To be a writer, it's not just about writing. You have to have a platform, or I guess wait until you are dead to be famous. And having a platform means having a twitter account, a website, a pinterest page, a niche--being an expert at something and creating a following. You have to prove to an agent and publisher that you are worth the risk. Oh, and you need to be able to command a room and be an eloquent speaker. Ummm...so I have like three of those things...

And since summer started and in my mind, I have officially taken my turn at editing my 78 thousand and some odd word novel manuscript, sent it off to a few close friends, I'm officially on vacay! So, I have become disenchanted with the whole process of building a platform. Maybe it has to do with the tragedy encountered by many friends over the last nine months finally sinking in as I reflect on my life and theirs. Maybe its that I've lived in denial of the pain from endometriosis, just so I could get by and now that my life has slowed down, I notice it more.

Is it the decompressing from the tornado that has been our life over the last school year?

I am so thankful for the people this year who have challenged me, for my husband and my children who support and love me and have fun with me. We have grown individually and as a family. I love the community we are a part of locally and to connect through technology to a global community. It is exciting and changing every day and new like nothing that has ever existed before. I am thankful for you, reading this. Thank you for your interest, your friendship. Those I now from high school or even earlier in my life, for you my family member. Thank you for those I've met through my marriage, and those who I've met through my career!

So I thought about tagging each one of you, but then thought that would be absurd, because I would tag everyone one on my FB page. So, just know that I love each and everyone of you. And I'm excited to start to spill my kookie guts here at papallonanova again...which btw means new butterfly and is reminiscent of my time in a dear place and people to me (Barcelona, Spain).

Each one of you is one of my #1000gifts. Read Ann Voskamp's book! One Thousand Gifts! Check her out at www.aholyexperience.com
Check out one of my favies... Can't wait for her to come home in July!

So, dear ones, Cheers, to a beautiful, fun-filled safe, summer and to a revived personal papallonanova @ blogger! Feel free to keep in touch via the comments or email me at papallonanova@gmail.com.